


ITCH - Continued

by OnionLover



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, But I have some good ideas, Cancer, Continuation of another author's work, Dark, Daryl is hurt, Daryl just wants to be loved, F/M, Fluff, God bashing, Her name is unifairie, Here are some cheeky tags, Hurt/Comfort, I genuinely made an AO3 account just to write this story, I hope some people read it lmao crying, I'm Sorry, I'm not a very good writer, Like I can't write very well, M/M, Maybe romantic maybe not, Negan is bad, Past Rick Grimes/Shane Walsh, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Rick and Michonne will not end up together I'm very sorry, Rick takes all the blame on himself as always, Shane loving, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing, There are suicidal thoughts, This fic focuses around Daryl/Rick and Negan/Rick, happy endings eventually, im sorry, most likely, oh shit, sort of, this story is mainly about being torn between good and bad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-11 14:29:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11716296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnionLover/pseuds/OnionLover
Summary: After Rick Grimes escapes the Sanctuary and Negan with the help of Daryl, he's left a broken man. Negan is gunning for revenge, and Daryl just wants Rick to love him the way he loves Rick._____________CONTINUATION of Unifairie's amazing work "ITCH" that inspired me to write this. For those who haven't yet read "ITCH" there is a summary of what happened previously in the notes.





	1. CHAPTER 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [unifairie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/unifairie/gifts).
  * Inspired by [ITCH](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11434386) by [unifairie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/unifairie/pseuds/unifairie). 



> THIS IS A CONTINUATION OF UNIFAIRIE'S "ITCH" 
> 
> \-----------  
> So I was reading her story "ITCH" and became obsessed with it, and then when I came back after being offline for a few days she'd finished it. I felt that the ending was left on a big cliff hanger and in one of the comments she said that she would be fine with someone continuing it so I hope I'm not seen as stealing her work that would be really bad :( 
> 
> BUT  
> If you haven't read "ITCH" yet (which you should because it's AMAZING - her writing style is beautiful and I really apologise that I can't write) here's a brief summary of events beforehand that really don't do her work justice so you should go and read it.
> 
> 1) Rick is taken captive by Negan and is obsessively controlled by Negan e.g Negan locks Rick in his room all day with guards outside his door and doesn't let him see the rest of the crew.  
> 2) Alexandria has been burned down :(  
> 3) Eric died and it made me cry when I read it cause he deserved better, and Sasha and Rosita died in an escape attempt whilst they were at Sanctuary  
> 4) Jesus and Daryl managed to bust out the whole squad (Michonne, Tara, Rick, Carl, Eugene etc.) and they have taken refuge at The Kingdom. 
> 
> :) 
> 
> Please read lmao  
> I don't really know whether or not I should continue writing this because I have NO IDEA if anyone will read this or like it or if it will be lost in time forever so if you do read it please give me a kudo or comment :) 
> 
> I'll probably just keep writing it anyway because I enjoy writing it lmao. 
> 
> Also for anyone who's read Unifairie's "ITCH" I'm not going to attempt to use her writing style and I'm sorry if any of my interpretations of the characters are different to hers because they might have different personalities, thoughts, feelings etc.
> 
> THANK YOU :)  
> AND SPECIAL THANKS TO UNIFAIRIE :)
> 
> And also the only one proof reading this and checking it over is me so I really apologise if sentences don't make sense or if the layout is ugly or there's spelling mistakes. 
> 
> Thank you :)

Rick had been sleeping for two days now. He mumbled sometimes, turned over, and Daryl swore he heard muffled crying once, but when he’d stood up to go over and comfort him, Rick was fast asleep. Or feigning sleep, more likely, Daryl thought glumly. 

In the one occasion Rick had been awake for longer than five minutes, Daryl immediately called Michonne into the room, thinking that Rick would be glad to finally see his lover after going through god knows what with Negan. But when Michonne had reached out and slipped her hand into Rick’s, he had darted his hand away from hers as if burned, sinking into the bed, and with shame plastered on his face he looked everywhere other than at her. Daryl felt a pang in his heart when Michonne turned away, pain etched across her features and her jaw clenched with wet eyes as she tried with all her will not to cry, and she left the room. She was one tough son of a bitch, though, Daryl thought to himself. She would manage. 

Rick had been completely ignoring Daryl so far, and the few times they’d made eye contact all that Daryl could see on Rick’s face was shame and fear. It pissed Daryl off, if he was going to be honest. Rick always did this, always. He always took the blame wholly onto him and blamed himself when nobody fucking else in the whole shitty world blamed him. But Daryl continued to sit in the uncomfortable and far too small wooden chair right next to Rick’s hospital bed as he had done for two day. Wildly, Daryl thought of that Shakespeare quote from… what was it… Midsummer Night’s Dream? “I’m your little dog, Demetrius. The more you beat me, the more I’ll love you. Treat me like you would treat a dog—kick me, hit me, neglect me, try to lose me. Just let me follow behind you, even though I’m not good enough for you. Could I ask for a worse place in your heart than to be treated as you would treat a dog? And yet I would consider it an honour to be your dog.” Something like that, Daryl thought, grunting. 

He snorted, knowing he’d got it exactly word for word, and then unwillingly thought of his time growing up. He’d always been a slow reader, but his mum had had a modern text version of ‘A Midsummer’s Night Dream’ on the bookshelf that was mainly shelves for booze and cigarettes. Thank the lord above that it had been a modern text version, as even though the Lord hadn’t done much for Daryl so far, Daryl didn’t know what he’d have done if he’d had to attempt to read Shakespearian. More often than not he’d hidden in his bedroom, blankets shielding him as he attempted to focus on the words, grip tightening with every scream that would have either been his mum being hit, his dad’s rage, Meryl’s anger or maybe even a prostitute for a change being hit too by his dad. He’d read the book a million times it felt, and his throat went dry as he thought about how right now he’d like nothing better than to find somewhere to curl up to hide and read the book. Groaning, he leaned back on his chair, wiping his palms onto his trousers. That’s all he was to Rick, he thought bitterly. His dog. He wasn’t his best friend, like Shane was. He sure as hell wasn’t his lover, like Michonne. Hell, he ain’t even vaguely romantically involved with Rick, like Lori was. But, just like Helena, he loved being Rick’s dog. His loyal companion to the end.

Suddenly anger fired through his veins and he stood up suddenly, running his hands through his hair, tension in his shoulders. He’d gone through all this shit, these deep piles of shit, and for what? He grew up with his fucking shit family and his fucking abusive dad, and everyday he dealt with it because somewhere, deep down, he hoped for something better. Then when he was finally free, Meryl died, and he lost a little bit of that hope. And now, he’d been beaten, abused, hurt, and the one good thing in the world, the one good thing, the one inkling of hope, was lying in a bed just meters away from him refusing to even look at him. He’d had enough. He wanted to hurt someone. He wanted to hurt himself. Wanted to hurt God, he thought wildly. What the fuck was the point? Why the fuck did he continue to fight, just to lose, why the fuck- 

Movement came from the bed and sheets rustled, and Daryl’s head whipped towards Rick. Rick’s eyes met his as he propped himself up onto his elbows, and Daryl’s breath caught in his throat as all his anger immediately went. Rick’s eyes were so beautiful. A gorgeous light blue, made even clearer by the tears in his eyes, somehow made even more beautiful by the pain in them. Daryl’s eyebrows furrowed. Why the fuck was he thinking that pain was beautiful. What the fuck.  
“Daryl.”

Immediately Daryl was yanked out of his thoughts and stood, waiting desperately to hear what Rick would say. Yup. A fucking dog indeed. 

“I want to see Carl… and Judith.”

Right. Sure you do. But never mind Daryl, right? I’ll go and get Judith and Carl, and then since all I’m good for is playing fetch with your kids for you, I’ll go and roll in the dirt outside and then maybe even eat my own shit. 

“I'll get them for ya Rick.” Daryl turned immediately, hoping Rick wouldn’t see his internal monologue on his face. What the fuck was he thinking? Of course Rick wanted to see his kids. He was being selfish. Huffing, disgusted with himself, he went and got Carl and Judith. 

 

____________________________________________________

 

Ten minutes later, Daryl returned with Judith held in one arm and Carl walking alongside him. Rick tried to push himself up in the hospital bed, attempting to gain some kind of authority, but just winced as pain shot through him. 

“You alright?” Carl drawled, looking at Rick in a way that reminded him, with a pang, of Lori, whenever Rick had done something wrong. 

“Yeah, Carl. I’m alright. Are you?” Rick croaked, holding his arms out for a hug.

“Did you and Negan… have sex?” Carl asked, not moving from where he was. Rick stared at Carl, and immediately felt shame flooding through him. How could he even look his son in the eye, with the things that he’d done. A small part of him, a part of him from his police days, said that he was a victim here. He was displaying emotions that rape victims went through. He wasn’t to blame. But he hadn’t been raped, he thought, bile rising in his throat with disgust at himself. He’d let Negan do those things to him, had even responded and kissed him back. Carl continued to look at him, just like Lori did, with his deep hazelnut coloured eyes… just like Lori’s. 

“You know, dad, I didn’t stop fighting the whole time I was there. They tried to train me into a soldier for them. When I didn’t let them train me, they beat me. But I never gave up. I didn’t stop fighting.” 

Rick got the message. He closed his eyes, choking back a cry, as he heard Carl’s footsteps leaving the room, and suddenly he wished when he opened his eyes he would see the hospital room he’d been in when he was in a coma, and Lori would be there, smiling with relief in that way that always made the corners of her eyes crinkle, and slip her soft, delicate hand into his, and Shane… He loved Shane, he thought, finding it harder not to cry every second he continued down this dark trail of thoughts. Shane was his brother. His best friend. Sometimes, when they sat in the police car together at the end of a long shift, eating sugary donuts together and giggling like little children as Shane told ridiculous stories of girls he’d been with, he sometimes wondered if God had made Shane for him. His father had told him the story of the Arc in the Bible. Two kinds of every creature got on, and just so happened Shane and him were the same kind of creature. He opened his eyes, but Shane wasn’t there, grinning at the end of his bed with a bottle of wine in his hand and a joke at the ready, and neither was Lori. Daryl stood there, looking unsure of himself, and when he saw Rick looking he offered Judith to him, stepping forward. Rick shook his head weakly. How could he even look into Judith’s eyes? How could she ever be happy with a father like him. A foster father, anyway. Maybe. Didn’t matter. In a way he sort of hoped she was Shane’s child. That she would grow older and look maybe a little like him. He closed his eyes again, and heard Daryl’s heavier footsteps leaving the room reluctantly, and Judith’s tiny confused babble at being led away from her ‘papa’. With nobody else there to see him cry, tears began to flow freely. 

____________________________________________________

“WHAT THE SHIT?! WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT?!” A vase was sent flying through the air as it fell victim to Lucille.  
“YOU’RE THE ONE WHO WAS IN CONTROL OF THE GUARDS THAT NIGHT, WERE YOU FUCKING NOT?!” Negan spat into some guy’s face, and the guy gulped with wide eyes and shrinked back in fear. “WERE YOU NOT?!”  
“Yes….” The man trembled, and two seconds later with a roar from Negan his head was smashed in. 

The rage he was feeling was indescribable. All-consuming. Fire coursed through his veins and his hands shook with the urge to hurt something. Someone. Anything. Daryl, he thought, snorting like a bull about to charge. Daryl, he was told, was the one responsible for Rick and the other’s escape. Daryl, an in-bred trashy redneck, with greasier hair than that Snape dickhead from those Happy Popper fucking books whatever the fuck they were. HE was the one who took Rick. Another guttural scream tore through his throat, and a bookshelf fell prey to Lucille, and men yelled, dodging it as it fell. Why would Rick leave? They had made so much progress. Rick had enjoyed the sex, he really had. He knew he had. It hadn’t been just Rick’s body responding, something he couldn’t help, but Rick had kissed back. Why would he leave? 

Seeing his family. That’s the only reason. That dipshit Daryl had taken advantage of Rick’s love for his family, probably thrust Carl into Rick’s face, and forced Rick to go with him. Negan yelled again, and for the next ten minutes he rained carnage on his room with Lucille, his men attempting to dodge bits of bed frame and glass flying through the air. 

Finally, breathing heavily, he stared at his men, who stared at him back, terrified that they were going to be the one to meet Lucille next. 

“You… you… you will get Rick back.” He gasped, and the men immediately nodded, wide-eyed. “You… will kill his family. All of them. Even Carl. Especially Carl. You will kill everyone there apart from Rick. You will do it slowly. You will do it painfully. You will make him watch.” Trembling he stood there, glaring at his men. Thinking better of himself, he added,“But you will leave Daryl and Rick alive. You will bring them back to me. DO I MAKE MYSELF FUCKING CLEAR?” The men at once nodded and bowed and mumbled yes, of course, immediately, i'll do it quickly, and then scurried out of the room. 

Negan’s knees then gave out, and he collapsed onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. How fast he could lose it all. How horrible would be the things he’d do to Daryl. How careful he’d be with Rick from now on. He’d never let him out of the room. There would be guards there at all times. Doubled… Tripled… If anyone even so much as looked at Rick, he would make sure that they would never look at this shit stain of a world ever again. Letting out a shuddering sigh, he closed his eyes. He would get Rick back. That was as sure as the sun rising in the east and setting in the west, and all that crap. Taking another deep breath, he felt calm returning to him, and then allowed himself a few more seconds shut-eye, before he sat up, groaning. He had a lot of shit to do.


	2. CHAPTER 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow ok didn't actually expect a single person to read this I'm crying. 
> 
> I feel a bit bad that I've released two chapters in one day because I feel like I'm rushing and I'm not really doing the original "ITCH" justice but right now I'm just really enjoying writing this. 
> 
> This chapter, I'm going to be honest, is just setting up the plot. It's nearly 1am here in England so I'm going to go to bed now lol and from third chapter on the plot is really going to get going.

\----- ONE WEEK AFTER ESCAPING NEGAN -----

“So what are we going to do, Rick?”  
Rick groaned, clutching his head. That’s all anyone had been saying to him for years now. First Lori, teary eyed and hands on hips after yet another argument over some small, stupid thing. After that, he'd been asked it constantly by everyone on Hershel’s farm; Hershel, Glenn, Andrea, Shane, Lori. With a painful pang he realised everyone he’d just listed was dead. Now, it seemed to be his new group; now it was Rosita, Eugene, Sasha, even Daryl but never outright. Right now, at this present moment in time, it was Michonne. 

She stared sincerely at him with concern but also determination, waiting for his answer. Waiting for a solution. But that’s the thing, Rick thought defeatedly. He never knew what to do. Sighing, and rubbing his forehead in attempt to ward off the oncoming headache, Rick said, “Well, we’ve got resources here. The Kingdom… I ain’t had much chance to look around yet, but I’ve seen enough. They’ve got weapons here. They train. And by the looks of it, they hate the Saviours just as much as we do.” He looked around to see the rest of his group nodding approvingly, so encouraged, he continued, “I reckon we fight. There’s no use running. We’ve got to get rid of him, once and for all, and so Sasha and Rosita didn’t die for nothing.”  
The looked around again, and the rest of the group murmured agreement. He felt a slight bubble of irritation, wishing that for once someone could add something or help him. Anything would be good enough.

“We’ve just got to convince Ezekiel to help us, that means.” Michonne said earnestly. Close, Rick thought bitterly, but that’s more of a problem than something that helps. Rick exhaled deeply, rubbing his eyes. He shouldn’t be acting like this. He needed to get his shit together. But still his wounds from what Negan did to him ached and he just wished that for once he could hand the reigns over to someone else for a while. Let them make the difficult choices and mistakes. He remembered the time at the prison, when he was grieving over Lori, and Hershel and the others did just that. A dark, quiet part of Rick murmured that Rick preferred that group then over his group now. Another part told that part to shut the hell up, and it was just Rick missing Beth and T-Dog and such. Hell, there’s not a lot of people left from the beginning now, he thought to himself. Glenn was gone, and fuck did that hurt to think about. Carol was God knows where. He guess he still had Carl, and… he struggled to think who else had been with him since the beginning. Since his world got turned to shit. Daryl. 

He turned now to look at Daryl, and was surprised to see Daryl’s eyes on him. Daryl was evidently surprised to see Rick notice his stare, as his eyes flicked away and were soon promptly covered by his fringe. 

“What do you think we should do, Daryl?” Rick said suddenly. Daryl stared at him, incredulous, as if Rick had just asked him to wear an Easter bunny costume and do a circus routine. Rick, patience growing thin, raised his eyebrows. 

“Uhh.. I think Ezekiel won’t help.” Daryl shrugged.  
“And why’s that, Daryl?” Rick said, and Daryl’s eyes snapped to his when Rick said his name. Hesitating for a moment, he then drawled, “because he’s a pussy.” Daryl then jerked his head so his fringe flicked back in his eyes, and Rick knew that was Daryl’s way of exiting the conversation. Sighing, he turned to the others,  
“Well, right now, that’s the best we’ve got. Let’s go ask Ezekiel then.” He didn’t want to ask Ezekiel. He didn’t want to have to plan to fight off Negan, when he did eventually come. He didn’t want to have to deal with Carl’s disappointed gaze. He just wanted to fucking sleep. Sighing, he readied to go when suddenly they all jumped as a voice boomed, 

“No need! I have already made a decision regarding the matters of your staying here.” Pretentious fuck, Rick thought, turning around to look at Ezekiel. He surely didn’t talk like that for real, and- ah look. He’s brought along his tiger too, just for intimidation purposes. Excellent. Rick genuinely didn’t know when he’d grown this cynical. 

“And what’s your decision then?… Your Highness.” 

“You cannot stay.” Ezekiel said confidently, nodding as if that were the end of that. 

“I’m sorry, but that’s not going to be an option.” Rick drawled, and oh God how much he just wanted to sleep right now. “I’ve got a family. I’ve got people who need safety, and I know what you're about to say. You don’t want us here because Negan will find out, and then he’ll hurt you and your people. But he’s going to hurt you and your people whether or not we’re here, eventually! You know it, and I know it, so lets cut the bullshit and lets get ready to fight him!”  
Ezekiel nodded sadly, as though he knew Rick would react in this barbaric manner. “I am sorry. But my duty lies with my people, and right now, we have peace with the Saviours. I am now not asking you to leave, but ordering you.” Guards then filtered into the room, all carrying spears, and boy if that just didn’t piss Rick off further. 

“I don’t think you understand. Listen to me, right now, listen-“ 

“Rick let’s just go.” Rick turned, surprised, and saw Michonne, her hand on his shoulder. She looked defeated, and suddenly it occurred to Rick they were all tired, just as tired as he was, of fighting. She smiled sadly, squeezing his shoulder, making Rick’s throat tighten. He loved her. He loved her so much. She was constantly pulling him back, reminding him, looking after him. He was suddenly filled with overwhelming affection for her. She was so brave, and so strong, and so wholly good. She was his steady rock, someone he could always rely on, and he realised with a jolt that he’d been pushing everyone away for the past week, determined to bare the consequences of Negan solely on his own shoulders. Suddenly, he found he didn’t really care anymore either. He was just tired.  
“Fuck you too” Rick nodded at Ezekiel, and then, taking Judith from Eugene’s arms, motioned for the rest to follow him out the room, but was stopped with a staff held firmly across his chest. 

“You will not be taking young Judith with you.” And damned if Rick’s eyebrows didn’t shoot right near the moon when he said that.

“Don’t even try that shit, Ezekiel, don’t even try it.”  
“I cannot in good conscience let a baby out into that world.” He said, still confident, and Rick just felt his blood boil at that.  
“And it’s alright to send the rest of us out into ‘that’ world, is it?” Rick snarled, handing Judith to Eugene again. 

“Look Ezekiel, we can handle her. You’re not going to be taking a baby away from her daddy.” Michonne said earnestly, ever the peacemaker. How could she be making peace right now? He was trying to take Judith away! Oh Rick was so done with this bullshit. 

“I cannot in good conscience-“ “-RICK NO!”“RICK!”  
The shouts of his group cascaded around his ears as his fists pummelled again and again into Ezekiel. Ezekiel grunted with each blow, straining to move Rick off of him, but Rick’s fury kept him on top, and he vaguely felt Michonne’s hands tugging him away and then Daryl finally pulling him off. As soon as he felt Daryl’s firm grip around him he stopped struggling, and looked dispassionately at the writhing Ezekiel who clutched at his bleeding nose, staring up at Rick.

“Escort t-them out,” Ezekiel managed towards the guards who stood nearby, too dumb and too shocked to do anything, who then immediately sprang into action and pointed the spears towards Rick and his group, pushing them out the room.

Rick didn’t even care anymore, allowing the spears to push and poke him until out of the corner of his eye he saw Eugene, not being pushed along with the group by the spears, but behind the spearmen, and standing next to Ezekiel with Judith in his arms. 

“It’s for the best, Rick. I’ll look after her. I will put her life before mine” Eugene said solemnly. “To the best of my ability I will look after her and make sure she has a nice, comfortable life and-“ Howling, Rick lunged back towards Eugene and his baby girl, but a spearman hit him quickly in the leg, making him fall to the floor. Not stopping Rick in the slightest, he lunged again, but Michonne and Tara grabbed him, with Michonne whispering in his ear,  
“It’s not worth it. We’ll get her back. There’s nothing we can do now. We’re going to collect our weapons and we’re going to leave, and then we will come and get her back again. We’re defenceless right now.” 

It didn’t matter. He didn’t care. Struggling against Michonne and Tara, he threw them off. Then he remembered that though their guns had been taken away, he still had his knife kept secretly in his shoe. He grabbed the knife, wielding with murder in his eyes, and the last thing he remembered before his world turned black was a searing pain of the bottom of a spear being hit into his head.

_______________________________  
The world was warm and comfortable. A faint breeze drifted in through the window which smelt fresh and light. He lay in Lori’s arms, her fingers lightly stroking the hair from his forehead.  
“Good morning, baby” He murmured sleepily. Above him, Michonne laughed, and his eyes shot open. He was outside the Kingdom’s walls, which almost seemed to be sneering at him with just how big and tall and strong they were, how hard it would to get Judith back. He turned his head to look at Michonne,  
“Good morning to you too,” she smiled kindly, and then looked up at the rest of the group. Rick looked up too, and then gradually stood up, trying to forget that he’d just mistaken Michonne for Lori because boy would that be a bad thing to admit.

Daryl spat on the ground, glaring up at the walls, and Tara just looked at them disappointedly. Carl then turned to Rick, nodding sarcastically.

“Way to go, Dad! You’ve managed to ruin any chance of us ever getting the Kingdom to help us against Negan! And you've lost Judith. Good job.”  
Rick couldn’t even muster up the energy to tell Carl off for the way he spoke to him, “Carl, you know that they weren’t going to help us.”“Of course they weren’t going to help us as soon as you suggested it! But they sure as hell aren’t going to help us now!” Carl spat. Taken aback, Rick was suddenly brought back to all the times Lori had yelled at him for screwing up. Sighing internally, he decided he definitely needed to vent to Shane later.

“You watch your language now, Carl” Rick attempted feebly.

“Fuck you, Dad.” And Rick could do nothing other than watch Carl stalk off, with Michonne looking at Rick wide eyed, then running after him. The rest of the group stood in silence, waiting for Rick to blow up again. When they deemed it safe, Tara said quietly, “He’s just a kid… He’ll come around… But we should maybe go and find somewhere to sleep, and think about our plan in the morning, yeah?” When Rick didn’t respond, the rest of the group murmured in agreement and one by one filtered off until only Daryl and Rick were left, with Daryl staring quizzically at Rick. 

“What.”  
“Nothin’.” And with that too, Daryl walked off after the others, leaving Rick alone. Rick stood there for a moment, then breathed in, and started counting in his head. Breathe in. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Breathe out. Breathe in. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Breathe out. 

_______________________________

“And I… I just don’t know what to do.”  
“Yeah, that seems to happen a lot, pal.” Shane smirked at him as they sat on the log together. “Carl, he’s just a teenage boy. He doesn’t know what he’s saying and how bad it hurts you. He just wants to make sure his papa loves him.”  
“I do, I do love him.”  
“Good, then, huh! Nothing to worry about.” Shane grinned at him, clapping him on the back  
“No, but it ain’t all good. I’ve got so much shit I need to worry about. It’s just lonely, you know? I feel like there’s nobody I can trust. Nobody who would take a fall for me, even though I take the fall for them every single day. I just wish… I don’t know. I wish I wasn’t the leader of the group.” 

“But that’s the thing, Ricky Roo, you are the leader. And nobody else could do a finer job than you do.” Shane laughed, leaning back and crossing his hands behind his head so his head lay on the grass and his body draped along the log, feet on Rick’s lap and looking up at Rick. “It’s tough, obviously. But if you weren’t the leader, they’d all be dead right now.”  
“They are all dead.” “No they ain’t, stop being a little prissy drama Queen, Ricky. Your group, they ain’t what you got to worry about now either, anyway. They’ve got your back. You’ve got to worry about Negan.”

“You think I don’t worry about Negan?”

Daryl, having sat, hidden by the bushes, watching Rick talk to himself for the last half an hour, decided enough was enough and huffed and stood up, revealing himself. “Rick?”

Rick startled, and looked around wildly before his eyes settled on Daryl, then looked back at the empty space he’d been talking to for the last half an hour, and screamed. Shane sat there, and turned his head slowly to look at him. Only it wasn’t Shane. It had the appearance of Shane, but it’s skin was grey, the mouth slack, and the glazed eyes of a walker flicked towards Rick’s own blue ones. Rick shouted again and Daryl ran over, seriously concerned about Rick’s mental health and considering yelling for Michonne or someone, but he just held Rick’s shoulders, unsure of what to do. Rick struggled there for a moment, and then completely broke down, sobbing in his arms. Within minutes the sobbing turned hysterical, and after what seemed like an eternity of Daryl just holding Rick in his arms, getting his shirt all ruined with snot and tears, Rick’s sobs quietened and his body’s shuddering turned to shivering.  
“What did he do to you, Rick?” Daryl asked quietly, almost not wanting Rick to answer. Rick sniffed and looked up at Daryl, and then pushed Daryl away, trying to regain some composure.  
“You know what he did to me.” Rick said, pulling himself up using Daryl’s shirt, his legs shaking. Wiping the tears from his eyes with his sleeve, he turned to Daryl, and Daryl saw Rick’s defences being rebuilt, his shields going up, and by the time Rick spoke Daryl noticed with a sadness that Rick was back to being his usual self - suffering in silence cause the damn fool thought he had to.

“Let’s just get back to the group.” Rick mumbled, and with a deep breath turned and strutted off with the gait of a man trying to show himself being in control but completely failing. All Daryl could do was stare after him.  
_______________________________

“Well, I ain’t happy, but I ain’t unhappy either. But I’m sure as hell not happy, so that means that in a moment, you’re not gonna be quite too happy either.” Negan said cheerfully, watching as his men continued carrying out furniture and equipment from the Kingdom. Ezekiel lay dead on the ground, a punishment for housing Rick and his group and not telling Negan immediate-fucking-ly. Beside him lay the tiger, having too been punished for attempting to save her owner. Too bad, Negan thought to himself. Would have been fucking cool to own a goddamn tiger. In front of him, a man he vaguely recognised quaked with fear. Eugene, was his name? He wasn’t really sure if he gave a shit or not, but he knew the little scrawny man in front of him was good with technology and useful shit like that, so he wouldn’t kill him, but for now he just enjoyed seeing how close he could get the man to pissing himself with fear.

“B-B-But wait! I’ve got someth- something else!” Eugene shrieked.  
“Go on” Negan smiled pleasantly, raising his eyebrows.

The man continued to tremble, and then motioned towards a room and for Negan to follow.  
“Now, ain’t you gonna ask me politely if I’m gonna follow? Cause that seemed like an order to me. Are you ordering me about, Eugene?”  
At once Eugene’s trembling violently increased, and he seemed to shrink in size and stammered out, “P-P-P-Please f-follow me.” Negan smiled politely, and followed the coward to the room. Oooooh he hoped it was booze. Holy shit what he’d do for some nice ice cold beer right now! The Hilltop had good beer, he remembered, and the coward piece of shit there too liked to bribe him with the beer. He made a mental note to make Dwight go and pick up some more from there. 

“H-Here.” 

Well. That was disappointing. Certainly didn’t look like he was going to get some beer. Pushing the short man out of the way, making sure his hand didn’t go anywhere near that mullet for fear of some type of mullet disease where if anybody touches it then they’re infected with the mullet, he looked eagerly for the present from Eugene. Mulletitis. Nah, he could think of a better name than that. Pneumonia … Mulletmonia… nah that one was just shit. Influenza… Mullenza- Holy shit. 

“H-Her name is Judith. She’s Rick’s daughter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ASDFGHJKL sorry that was a cheap cliffhanger. For all the Eugene lovers out there if there is any, I don't believe in one-dimensional characters so don't worry, it's still early days. Chapters from now on will be more plot heavy. Thank you for reading :)


	3. CHAPTER 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Thank you for all your comments and actually reading this. Last night I was so happy that I was genuinely jumping around my kitchen and was super hyper, and this morning I woke up happy for the first time in ages. I'm still really enjoying writing this, so that's why chapters are coming out at the speed of light. The plot picks up in this chapter :) 
> 
>  
> 
> \--WARNING--  
> \--- BUT THE WARNING CONTAINS SPOILERS---  
> \--BUT I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO GET UPSET--  
> If you were upset by the TWD season 6 finale, then what happens in this chapter is a worse version of it, and even upset me to write because it's so horrible. Just be careful and if you don't want to read this chapter then its fine :P

“Hey did anyone pick up any pads from the Kingdom before we left?”  
“You still using them for anything other than a bandage?”  
“What the fuck are you using instead then?”  
“A t-shirt.”

For half an hour now, the only thing filling the silence of the camp was Michonne and Tara’s complaints about ‘woman-stuff’. Their cramps were bad, but painkillers were only for injuries. They needed pads, but pads were only used as bandages. He supposed it would be hard, being a woman in this world. That was probably why there were still weak men in the world and not any women. His gaze drifted over to Michonne, who was still engrossed in her conversation with Tara. The two women had seemed to grow close during whatever they went through at the Sanctuary, and sat close together, amiable even though they were bickering. Michonne had been distant from him lately, and Rick wasn’t sure if he could even bring himself to care why anymore.

“Hey, can I talk to you?” A warm hand settled on Rick’s shoulder, and Rick got up, relieved for an opportunity to get away from the ‘woman-stuff’, and followed Daryl.

They came out at a clearing just a minute’s walk from camp. Not too far that they wouldn’t be able to hear if there was shouting back at the camp, but so far that whatever Daryl had to say would be completely between him and Rick. Daryl sat on a log, then immediately stood up again, pacing back and forth whilst wiping his palms onto his trousers, his eyes flicking towards and away from Rick’s.

“Daryl, if you’ve got something to say, just spit it out.”  
“I’m gay.”

Rick’s eyebrows shot up. That was unexpected. He’d readied himself for Daryl to tell him he’d dropped the water supply, or to disagree with the route they were taking, or that the Kingdom wouldn’t be able to be breached to save Judith.

“Aaron’s gay too. And Tara. It ain’t too important now, Daryl.” Apparently that was the wrong thing to say, as Daryl glared at Rick, 

“Fuck you, Rick” Swinging his crossbow over his shoulder Daryl turned, seething with anger, and what the fuck? How was that fair? 

“Daryl! Ok, hold on” Daryl stopped slowly, and turned around, still glaring.  
“Why are you so angry Daryl? I don’t get it. Being gay doesn’t matter anymore. Love who you wanna love, nobody gives a shit.”

Suddenly the crossbow was on the floor and Daryl stalked towards him, “It does matter, Rick, it does. You know my background, sorta. You know that if I said I was gay to my dad I would be dead. I know that’s hard for you to imagine with your posh house and A* grades throughout school and your mamma and papa who would love you even if you said that you wanted to become just like me, but it does matter to me, Rick!” “Ok Daryl, just calm down-““DON’T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN RICK!” Daryl shouted, shoving Rick back, and wow was that undeserved. “You don’t get it! I’m gay! I saw how Aaron was treated at the Sanctuary, just because he was gay. Hell, I saw how you were treated at the Sanctuary because you were gay”

“-I’m not gay”

“Whatever. Point is, I’m through with this. I ain’t about to mope and whine and hide my feelings and all that shit. Because I’ve been your bitch for years now. I had to watch you first with Lori, and damned if that didn’t piss me off everyday she was alive. You didn’t deserve that. Then I had to watch you have a goddamn breakdown over her, and you didn’t deserve that either. Then I had to watch that blonde chick and you, don’t even know her name. And now, I gotta watch you and Michonne, but it seems more and more like every chick you hook up with, it doesn’t end too well, judging by the way Michonne’s giving you the cold shoulder. But you know who’s been there, the whole time? Who’s been with you since the beginning of it all? The one person, you could always rely on, the one who you could treat like shit, or push to the side, but would still run back every single god damn fucking time?”

Rick was startled. An outburst like this was so uncharacteristic of Daryl; he’d never seen Daryl this upset, with tears in his eyes and waving his hands about, and looking more and more like he was going to punch Rick every minute.

“You were.” He gasped out.  
Daryl snorted, “Goddamn right I was.” 

There was silence, only punctured by Daryl’s heavy breathing as he and Rick locked eyes, each one waiting for the other to make the first move. Slowly, Daryl moved towards Rick, and Rick’s eyes widened as he looked for an escape route. But Daryl lifted a hand to hold Rick’s jaw, and Rick couldn’t help but look into Daryl’s eyes that seemed to scorch his soul with their intensity. Each stared at the other, until Daryl tilted his head to the side, and a spark of fear sizzled all the way down Rick’s spine, and Daryl leant in and kissed him. Immediately Rick brought his hands to Daryl’s hair, moving their bodies closer together, and wow. This felt - relieving. Years of tension between them melted away in an instant, and as they moved their lips against each others Rick felt as though his soul had been cleansed, and he felt… lighter. Daryl’s enthusiasm grew, and he pushed them, stumbling, towards a tree, and held Rick against it. But there was no aggressiveness, no need, not even exactly passion. It was a religious experience, and Rick, even though he was pretty sure he wasn’t going to heaven, felt this was as close as he was going to get. Daryl then slid his knee between Rick’s legs, and the kisses became deeper, and then there was a need, a yearning.

“Coo hoo!” 

Rick yelled and jumped back, breaking away from Daryl, head whipping around to find the source of the noise. 

“Well gosh darn! That is not a sight I wanted to see.” Rick’s stomach dropped, and his eyes locked onto Negan’s. Daryl immediately darted towards his crossbow on the ground, but Negan’s laugh boomed as he easily kicked Daryl away.“Yeah, you won’t be getting to use that anytime soon.” Clicking his fingers, Dwight immediately bent down and grabbed the crossbow, whilst two other men grabbed onto Daryl and dragged him into a kneeling position. 

“Finally, Rick! I found you! It’s only been, what, a week, but oh is it good to have you back. I don’t know what you expected really. I was always going to find you.” He paused for a moment, seemingly content with smiling at Rick, then chuckled and leant in, suddenly serious.“I’m going to fuck you so hard tonight. I’m going to undress you, and you’re going to ride me until you see stars. Is it greedy that I want that now? Probably, right, Rick? But right now, we’ve got more important matters to attend to. Please, Rick, welcome our special guests tonight!” His laughed boomed again, and he began to enthusiastically applause, whilst Rick watched in horror as men dragged his group into the clearing, and lined them all up in a semi circle, kneeling. 

“Hey, don’t this look a tiny bit familiar, Rick?” Rick felt dread flood through him, knowing exactly what was going to happen next.  
“Rick.” Suddenly Negan's face was centimetres from his, glaring. “I’m talking to you. What does this situation remind you of? Say it out loud, Rick.” 

“W-When you killed Abraham and Glenn.” 

Negan nodded, smiling like a teacher would do to a child who had learnt a difficult word, and clapped him on the back,  
“Well done! Yup. This reminds me too of the time that big ginger guy and the Chinese one got to meet Lucille.” Rick couldn’t do this. He couldn’t bare to watch one of his family members die again. Panic seized every limb in his body. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t watch this again. It was his fault. It was his fault all over again. Every single death was his fault. 

“He was Korean.”  
Negan lurched towards Daryl, “YOU SHUT THE HELL UP! YOU SHUT UP! You’re in enough trouble as it is, so you SHUT UP!” Immediately men began kicking Daryl and Rick groaned, squeezing his eyes shut, willing it all to be a dream. Wait, that’s right. This was a dream. Rick felt relief flood through him. He was just dreaming. A nightmare of the night of Glenn and Abraham’s death, just a nightmare showing his deepest fear that Negan would come back and do the same to the rest of his group. Thank god. Rick almost felt like cheering. He just had to wake up now. What did his daddy say to do, to wake up out of a nightmare? Count to three, then throw your head back and open your eyes. One, two, three… He opened his eyes.

“I've also got another special guest! Bring her out boys!” Negan laughed, evidently hugely enjoying the whole situation. Rick pinched himself and his heart dropped when he felt the pain of his pinch. It was real. It was all real. Then his stomach lurched as Judith was handed over to Negan. “Gorgeous baby, Rick! Ain’t she just the cutest little thing! Yes you are!” He giggled, playing with Judith’s tiny fingers as she babbled happily at him. “I’m a bit upset you didn’t tell me about her. More than upset. You can’t build a relationship on lies, Rick, you know that.” Bringing out a gun, his cleared his throat, and he pressed the gun into Judith’s head. Rick threw up at that.

“Ewww… Rick….. Yuck! Better out than in, right?” Judith began to wail at the feeling of the cold metal pressed against her head, and held her arms out to Rick, trying with all her tiny might to get to her papa. 

“Now, here’s what’s going to happen. See, I know you, Rick. If I kill your family, that’s any chance of a relationship between us - Poof! Gone! So I'm not going to let you hold it against me, Rick. So you’re going to kill your family, or I, regretfully, will have to kill this beautiful baby girl.” 

Rick threw up again, retching and heaving, and then again, until nothing was left in his stomach, and still after that he dry heaved whilst Negan’s men and his group watched him silently. Finally, Rick lifted his head to look at Negan, his whole body shaking and limbs trembling. 

“Here, babe” Negan chucked a gun to Rick. “Go on, you’re gonna do great.” 

Rick had never hated anyone in his life before. Anything before this was minor dislike. Anything before this, they were on pleasant terms. What he felt towards Negan, that was pure, all-consuming, hate. The sort that made his throat constrict with all the words he wanted to shout, scream at Negan. The sort that made fire course through his veins. He hated Negan. Yet he knew he couldn’t shoot him with the gun, otherwise he risked hitting Judith. Negan knew that too. 

“Rick, I'm going to count down from thirty, and at thirty, I will kill Judith.” Rick stumbled up, and looked at the first in line. Aaron. Aaron looked up at him, tears streaming, but eyes full of trust. Rick couldn’t do this. He couldn’t. He can’t. Rick held the gun to his own head.

“Rick,” rung Negan’s calm, clear voice. “Kill yourself, and I will kill Judith. Thirty. Twenty-nine.”

Rick looked back at Aaron, who had began to tremble. He sure as fuck wasn’t going to heaven. Heaven didn’t exist. There was no God. If there was a God, Rick was going to make him pay.

Twenty two 

Twenty one

Twenty

Rick wanted to scream, to beg for mercy, as Aaron began to sob. 

Fourteen 

Thirteen 

Twelve 

He could do it. He could get a clear shot on Negan. He could get Negan’s knee, make him fall, and then he could…. 

Eight

Seven 

Why was nobody coming? Where was the hero to save them all? Where were they?  
Six

Five

Four

He couldn’t. He couldn’t do it. 

Three

Two 

He begged God for forgiveness.

One

The gun fired. There was a blood curdling scream, and then silence. Negan watched Aaron’s body crumple to the ground, satisfied. 

“Good, Rick. Good. Now onto the next one. Thirty, twenty-nine, twenty eight…” 

Rick looked onto the next in-line, Tara. Then looked at the rest of the group. They all looked at him, shocked. He knew then that they had been sure that he wouldn’t kill them. He then looked to Judith, who was wailing in Negan’s arms. 

Twenty two

Twenty one

Twenty

The gun fired.  
“Well done! You seem to be getting the hang of this! Thirty-“ The gun fired. “Shit, Rick. Eager, huh?… Well then. Thirty-“ The gun fired, and Negan laughed as five successive shots went off and Rick’s group one by one crumbled to the ground. Negan then turned his attention to the next in line. “Oooh, this one’s a tough one. She’s your girlfriend, right? Well, she’s going to have to go, whatever happens.” 

This was one Rick couldn’t do. Michonne’s brown eyes stared into his, trusting, just as Aaron’s had been, and tears streaked her cheeks, but she wasn’t crying anymore. She nodded. The gun fired.  
“Ouch. That’s got to hurt-“ Negan was cut off by Rick’s wail as he fell to the floor, holding Michonne in his arms. 

The majority of Negan’s men watched the scene dispassionately, but some were looking shocked and uncomfortable. They had been good men, in their past lives.

“Right! So seems we’ve only got Daryl left. Hang on a moment… You were dating me, Daryl, and the Samurai, all at the same time?! Rick. You monster. Thirty, twenty-nine, twenty eight…” 

Rick tried to get up, but his legs failed him, and he fell to the floor again. With all his strength, he pushed himself up off the ground and managed to crawl to Daryl. 

Nineteen

Eighteen 

Seventeen 

He stared at Daryl and Daryl stared back. Daryl hadn’t even been crying. He looked resigned. Beaten. 

Ten 

Nine

Eight 

Seven 

This was one he couldn’t do. He couldn’t.

Six

Five

Four

Three

Daryl mumbled something under his breath. “Do it.”

Two 

The gun in Rick’s hand was threatening to fall out, covered by the sweat in Rick’s palms.

One

Zero.

Silence. Where was the gunshot? He turned his head, trembling. Negan looked back at him, furious.

“Zero and a half…” 

Rick pulled the trigger. The gun clicked. Silence again. Then Negan doubled over laughing.  
“What a turn of events! Seems I didn’t load enough bullets into the gun! That was silly of me, wasn’t it, Rick? But wow… Daryl. That’s got to feel bad, knowing Rick would kill you to save Judith. Knowing he’d kill his whole group to save Judith. That’s sure got to change your opinion of him, huh? But… hang on just a moment… Where’s Carl?” 

Rick groaned, wishing he could just sink into the ground. Carl hadn’t been seen since he ran off, Michonne unable to find him. Rick wanted to scream. Michonne. She was dead. He had killed her. 

“Where’s Carl, Rick?!”  
“I-I d-don’t know. He ran off. He’s gone.”  
“BULLSHIT! Where is he hiding?!”  
“I don’t know” moaned Rick, tears falling from his face, and Negan stared at him, unimpressed.  
“Whatever. He’ll show up eventually.” Negan stared at Rick a moment longer, then huffed. “Load them up, boys! We’re going home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW.  
> When I was writing that I was wondering if what I was writing was a bit dark and I was just imagining people being like "this is torture porn" lmao :( 
> 
> But yeah. That's as dark as this fanfic is going to get, but what really got me about the original ITCH was that unifairie wasn't shy to describe horrible things like what happened to Eric and Aaron. And also thank you unifairie for commenting and reading this omg <3 thank you so much :) 
> 
> All is not lost for Rick/Negan, and dw I'm not going to go down that route of just making Negan a one-dimensional monster. Sorry it's taken a bit of time for Rick/Negan to get back together in the same place. The relationship will have definitely changed after what's happened in this chapter.
> 
> Thank you for reading! :)


	4. CHAPTER 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH for all your comments <3 :)  
> Genuinely reading them makes my day and I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone who reads this story, and an even bigger thank you to unifairie for inspiring it. This a bit a of a shorter chapter than usual, but hopefully still good :p 
> 
> \----WARNINGS----  
> This chapter contains spoilers from the TWD comics (nothing plot-wise but only character backgrounds). This chapter also contains mentions of cancer.

It should have been simple, really. Get rid of Rick’s family, get rid of any distractions, and then Rick would be completely his. But no, apparently things were never simple, and for the last few weeks since returning to Sanctuary, Rick had been refusing to eat, drink, and sleep. He just sat in the leather armchair in the corner of the room and stared forward, eyes always wet but never crying, mouth slightly open, and completely still. It pissed Negan off slightly, it really did. He wasn’t a man famed for his patience, but he knew waiting for Rick was worth it. It had got to the stage recently where the doctor from the Hilltop said that Rick’s life was in danger if he didn’t eat or drink. So Negan, regretfully, had to enlist his wives in helping force feed Rick. However, that stubborn son of a bitch still wouldn’t sleep, still wouldn’t even look at Negan. Negan realised something then. Punishing Rick Grimes only made him fight back. Rick Grimes’ weakness was his family. So when little Judith had been thrust into Rick’s arms, he immediately began eating again, though still didn’t speak or smile. Nonetheless, it was progress. 

Rick Grimes was a broken man. Negan had broken him, he thought proudly to himself. He imagined it was very difficult to break Rick Grimes, hell, he knew it was difficult to break Rick Grimes. Holy shit did he know. Since Negan had been the one to break him, he would be the one to put him back together. He was vaguely reminded of that Japanese art, what was it… Kintsugi? The idea was that the piece of pottery that was broken, or whatever it was, was then fixed with gold and silver, and the cracks weren’t treated as something to hide, but a piece of the object’s history, something that made the object more beautiful. Negan, with a small smile, imagined that it would be hard to make Rick Grimes more beautiful than he already is. But put Rick Grimes back together he would. 

It was difficult though. It was like having an itch. Every time he thought about Rick’s slender muscled frame, or his effortless grace, or running his hand through those greying curls, or kissing those rose petal lips, it was like scratching that itch. It felt oh so good. It left him wanting more. And the more he scratched it, the harder it was to resist that itch. It hurt to resist it. So whenever Negan thought he was going to lose his control, he went and fucked one of his wives, or visited Daryl in the cells. The redneck was in a pretty bad shape, and the doctor from the Hilltop was saying things such as, “internal bleeding,” “broken bones,” and “needs serious medical help.” Negan had allowed that help, as he wanted Daryl too see, to know, that Rick Grimes was his. He wanted the last things Daryl saw before he died to be Rick in his arms, Rick smiling up at him, and Rick kissing him. 

Rick, however, was nowhere near even thinking about loving Negan, or even remotely liking him. He had been locked in Negan’s bedroom, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. He thought he was going mad, stir crazy. He probably would have gone mad from boredom too, but he was entertained by the memory of Michonne’s brown eyes staring into his, with that slight nod. “Do it.” He remembered how Aaron looked before he died, sobbing, and how the rest of the group’s breath caught as they realised Rick had genuinely killed one of his own people. They had thought he wouldn’t. That he’d fine a way out, like he always did. But he didn’t. 

“Papa.” Rick looked down at Judith, as she thrust a tiny toy horse into his hand, and moved slightly on the bed. Was that her first word? Rick wouldn’t be surprised if he had missed her first words. He only got to see her three hours a day, and he was very determinedly ignoring the clock which was screaming at him that he’d currently had three hours and fifteen minutes with her so far. Judith then began burbling happily, as she made a toy cow move up Rick’s leg to go and give the toy horse a kiss. Then the door swung open, and Rick didn’t even need to look up to recognise the heavy fall of Negan’s feet.

Negan groaned, shrugging his jacket off and then throwing it onto the sofa. He then went and got a beer from the mini fridge, and groaned again as he flopped down onto the sofa. Rick heard the hiss of the beer opening, and focused harder on making the horse chase Judith’s cow. 

“Those eyes aren’t your eyes, are they?” 

“They’re Lori’s. My wife’s.” Rick continued keeping his eyes down, surprised at being spoken to. Negan had been ignoring him ever since he got back, allowing Rick space, not speaking to him, not forcing him to go to bed. Rick was grateful for that, but was still very aware that he was a prisoner here, and even more aware of Negan’s lingering gaze on him whenever he thought Rick couldn’t see. But what was there to escape to? Carl was the only freeman left out of their group, and by now he probably would have fixed his temper tantrum and tracked down the group’s footsteps, ready with an apology for being gone so long, only to find - oh god - their bodies. Rick’s wouldn’t be there. Then inevitably, Carl would figure out what had happened. Whether he would know Rick had killed them, or would think Negan had been the one to do it, he would come to the unavoidable conclusion that it was Rick’s fault. 

“Surely ex-wife now, huh?” Rick lifted his eyes to meet Negan, who was staring at him, not with lust or amusement as usual, but quizzically. “I had an ex-wife too. She was a fine gal. Lucille, was her name. Yes I know, I named the bat after her. Bit weird maybe, I don’t know. She was the best person you could imagine. Kind, funny, caring. The best. And I was the worst.” 

Rick stared at Negan as though he’d grown another head. “I cheated on her, you see. With some bitch that barely compared to her. She found out about the bitch, and I thought that was it. You’ve really screwed up this time, Negan. But Lucille, no… She said that everyone makes mistakes, and she stayed with me. I was the luckiest man in the world, Rick! Your wife probably died during all of this shit, right?” Negan asked, his eyes so sincere that Rick answered.   
“She uh-uhm, died giving birth to Judith.” Negan stared at Rick for a moment, and then went quiet. 

“Lucille, she didn’t go out fighting. Like she deserved to. She didn’t have an honourable death. She died just as the outbreak was happening. You know what she died of? Cancer. Of all things. Cancer. I had to watch, not being able to do shit, as everyday her skin got paler and everyday she got weaker. The chemotherapy didn’t do shit. Just made her worse, in my opinion. I cried, Rick. I ain’t cried in years. And I couldn’t do it. She turned. She turned into one of those fucking things!” Negan got up suddenly, angry, kicking the sofa, and went to the window, glaring at the walkers in the courtyard as he tried to calm himself. Rick stayed on the bed, staring. He hadn’t expected this. Hadn’t expected that there was a man behind the monster. He’d never imagined Negan was a person before. He understood. The world had briefly turned him into a monster, before he reached Alexandria. 

“And I-I… I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t kill her. I couldn’t.” Negan’s jaw worked as he tried not to cry. “Some boy had to do it. Some boy was braver, stronger than me.” He laughed weakly, trying to regain some of his usual confidence and machoism. He then turned to Rick. 

“Did you do it… to your wife…To Lori?” Rick shook his head slowly. 

“No. I wasn’t there when she gave birth. Just Carl and M-Maggie.” Maggie was dead. Shot by Rick. Rick had been the one to kill Maggie when she had saved Judith. Had saved him numerous times. Had saved them all. “I went to find her body and… a walker had eaten it.” He looked up at Negan, expecting a snide remark or a joke, but found Negan looking deeply at Rick, eyes full of pain; for himself, and for Rick. “I went mad. Kept seeing her everywhere, but no-one else could. I think that stayed a bit, cause sometimes I see my dead best friend. Shane.” He’d killed him too, he realised with a pang. Was there not a death that he wasn’t responsible for?! 

“Is he here now?” Negan whispered. 

“This ain’t the damn Sixth Sense” Rick snorted and Negan laughed slightly, and just like that all the tension in the room dissolved. Judith began giggling too, just to join in, making Rick look down at her. 

“You’ve had more than three hours with her, by now.” Rick looked back to Negan, sighing, and nodded. “She can stay the night.” Rick’s mouth fell open. “You can sleep in the bed with her, I’ll take the couch.” Negan grinned, and then went into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

What was going on? Promptly, the bedroom door swung open and one of Negan’s wives put Judith’s nighttime onesie, diapers, and a baby bottle full of formula on the cabinet, and left, just as quickly. Sighing, resigned to wherever this night took him, Rick stood and went over to get Judith’s things. As he dressed Judith he couldn’t stop thinking about what Negan had told him. What was more surprising was that Negan had shared that information with him in the first place. Rick had never before imagined that in Negan there was a shred of humanity. That maybe, he felt bad about the terrible things that he did. Maybe, deep down, there was a broken man. 

______________________________

When Negan finally got out of the shower, because boy did he enjoy warm water, he shrugged on his pyjama top and pulled up his bottoms, and went to open the door into the bedroom, but hesitated, hand resting on the knob. That had been embarrassing, telling Rick about all his sob stories. But he felt like he had to share them - no, he wanted to share them. He didn’t like Rick knowing about his past, but there was nothing he could do about it now. He wanted to keep those barriers up. He wanted to be seen as a monster. He wanted to be feared. In control. He could hardly be respected and a leader when Rick knew that he’d cried, and that he hadn’t been able to stop his wife from turning. He could also hardly be respected if he hid in the bathroom from Rick Grimes, so, annoyed at himself, he opened the door.

Rick was already fast asleep, Judith tucked in one arm, who was making little sniffling noises as she slept. Maybe she was getting a cold. He’d make sure to go down to the doctor the next day to find some medicine. His eyes, inevitably, were drawn to Rick again. Angelic. Rick’s face was devoid of any anger, fear, hurt, that was usually there. His mouth was slightly parted, and his chest rose and fell steadily, his curls settled around his cheekbones. It made Negan’s mouth go dry. This was all he wanted. A family. He’d always wanted someone to love, and a little one running around who looked a perfect combination of his lover and himself. Quietly, without admitting it to himself, he imagined that the brown of Judith’s eyes came from his own.

He wanted nothing better than to climb in to the bed, sling an arm around Rick’s waist, and sleep with his family. But he wouldn’t. Negan was not a patient man, but when it came to Rick Grimes, he would wait a thousand years. Turning to the sofa, he slowly laid himself down on it so as to not wake Rick and Judith up, and pulling the scratchy blanket that had been over the arm of the sofa over himself, he turned onto his side. He watched Rick and Judith for a while longer, then closed his eyes. Goddamn he was a fool. He’d fallen in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHH :) This chapter has been so different from the ones before, as they were all angsty but I think this one could be seen as fluff maybe idk :) 
> 
> All day yesterday I was finding it hard to decide whether I wanted Rick/Negan to go well, because personally I hate Negan for what he's done to the group. However, when I was researching more into his character on the wiki I realised that he's more than just a psycho and I wanted to write about that in my story :) 
> 
> I really hope you liked this chapter and I'm sorry it wasn't as exciting or fast paced as previous chapters :) Right now I'm just enjoying developing the relationship between Rick/Negan :) There's definitely more to come, and we haven't seen the last of Eugene, Carl, or Daryl :) 
> 
> THANK YOU FOR READING :D


	5. CHAPTER 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY :) So I was looking through Rick/Negan works on ao3 because I'm going to be honest, I'm very unexperienced when it comes to the dynamics in fan fiction in Rick/Negan's relationship. And I noticed that many fanfics were smut lmao and also the main concept was Negan's possessiveness and dominance over Rick. I was going to take one for the team and go down that road as I think that's what many people reading this story are expecting, but to be honest I feel uncomfortable writing smut and there are already millions of fantastic fanfics with that dynamic between Rick and Negan.
> 
> So somehow this story, and especially this chapter, is more about Rick's struggle between bad and good. I seem to have incorporated a lot of religious connotations and references throughout the fanfic and I'm not really sure how or why, but it's fit in nicely. 
> 
> This chapter is LONG(ish)
> 
> WARNINGS:   
> BUT THE WARNINGS CONTAIN SPOILERS:  
> > Graphic descriptions of bodily harm

The day had started off well. But boy, did it end shit. It had all started with a banging noise. Rick moaned, and buried his face deeper in the pillow, tightening his grip on Judith slightly to make sure she was still there. 

BANG  
BANG  
BANG

Had he been outside the walls of the Sanctuary, he would have awaken immediately, as any noise out there was bad noise. But having grown used to the large amount of people in the Sanctuary and all the various noises they made, Rick pulled the pillow over his head, willing the noise to go away.

BANG  
BANG  
BANG

Groaning, he pushed himself up onto his elbows, rubbing his eyes blearily. 

“Ta daa!” 

Rick stared as Negan proudly displayed the new painting he’d been hammering to the wall of… was that the Mona Lisa? “You can bet your ass that’s the real thing. But don’t do that, because your ass deserves more than being used as a betting tool.” Ignoring this comment, Rick stared at the Mona Lisa. He’d never seen it in real life before, but he’d heard it was smaller than you expect. Looking at the painting now, it wasn’t nearly as impressive as he’d thought it be. “Someone found it with some dead guy who was hiding out in a DVD store. Wow, I’d love to hear that story. He had a bunch of other paintings, all of them pretty valuable. Obviously, not anymore, but how cool, Rick! We’ve got the Mona Lisa in our bedroom!” Negan grinned at him, as a child might to his parent when showing something they were proud of, then laughed, “wow, tough crowd. If even the Mona Lisa can’t impress Rick Grimes, then looks like I’m stuck.” 

“Is that… Is that the real thing?” This day didn’t even seem real. To be awaken by the Mona Lisa hanging on the bedroom wall was slightly surreal, made even more strange when Negan next spoke. 

“Good news, by the way. I’m going to allow you out and about. And I apologise for keeping you locked in here. It’s difficult for selfish little me, cause all I really want is to keep you to myself, but I know that’s not fair on you. You’re allowed to go everywhere other than the cells unless I’m with you, and the guards there will recognise you so don’t even try it. Also, we’re late.” With that, Negan chucked a collared shirt at Rick, and some trousers which Rick was sure were purposely just slightly too small, and raised his eyebrows to signal Rick to go and put them on. Rick, just grateful Negan seemed to be a in good mood today, went into the bathroom to change, not missing Negan’s let-down gaze as he walked away. 

After showering and changing, he looked at himself in the mirror. Stubble was beginning to grow back, and though Rick had just showered, he took the cologne on the bathroom sink and sprayed some on him, and then took the razor too and began to shave. A few minutes later, Rick looked at himself in the mirror and with a pang was strongly reminded of how he used to dress on date nights with Lori. He enjoyed date nights, because Lori did, and treating her to a nice meal and giving her attention meant that he didn’t have to deal with her usual passive aggressive attitude and the permanent disappointment in her eyes. Is that what was happening now? He was going on a date with Negan? 

The thing was, however much Rick wanted to deny it, was that he was beginning to like Negan. He had tried hard to ignore the fact that Negan was genuinely funny, and that though he ruthless, he was sometimes fair and practical, and intelligent. Rick had been trying even harder to ignore the fact that Negan was good looking. Too many times he’d caught himself admiring the dimples of Negan’s easy grin, and the long, lean legs, accompanied by the broad shoulders that screamed masculinity. The eyes were Rick’s favourite part, and whenever he looked into them they always seemed to look back as if challenging him, testing him. He admired Negan, though he’d never admit it. 

Now, ignoring the fact that he’d dressed himself up for Negan, he opened the bathroom door into the bedroom and saw him, just finishing dressing Judith in a little pink dress. Since when had he trusted Negan enough to leave him alone with Judith? But his throat drying, he’d realised he had done just that, without even thinking about it. The thought of Negan touching his baby girl, being anywhere near Judith, should repulse him, terrify him. But watching as Negan dusted off Judith’s dress and gave her a pat on the head and a grin, he couldn’t bring himself to. Rick willed himself to think of when Negan had forced him to kill his whole family, willed himself to hate Negan, but it wouldn’t happen.

“You look great, by the way.” Negan winked at him, eyeing Rick’s legs appreciatively. Rick smiled uncomfortably, and then went over and took Judith into his arms. 

“Where are we going?” Rick asked, and at that moment one of Negan’s wives came in, Sherry, he thought her name was. Reluctantly, without even having to be asked, he handed over Judith to her. She gave him a lingering, sad look, and then turned and left. 

“We’re going to go to one of my assemblies. Nothing big or exciting. Just me announcing a few things, is all.” Grinning, he slid his hand into Rick’s, and before Rick could protest, dragged him out of the bedroom.

As they walked through the corridors of the Sanctuary, people bowed as Rick and Negan walked past. Rick didn’t like it. It was as if Negan was the king and Rick his queen, but that wasn’t even the problem. Rick remembered from his previous stay at the sanctuary what Negan wanted, and was glad that Negan hadn’t pushed for it since he’d returned. Rick had come to terms with that. The problem was that the people did not bow out of respect for Negan, or admiration. You could see by the way they averted their eyes from him and Negan both, that it was fear. Though he might have been a man once, Negan was a monster now. Everyone had gone through shit to stay alive today, and everyone had once been decent people. Most people died in this world, the good people, like Beth and Hershel. Some simply survived in this world, the people capable of good and bad, the people who understood necessity to survive, like Rick. Others thrived in this world, bad people who were probably better off than they had been before the walkers, people who took advantage of the loss of society and laws, and made their own society and laws. People like Negan. 

BANG  
BANG  
BANG

Rick looked up, half-expecting to see ‘Starry Night’ on the wall. But it was Lucille, rapped against the bars of the balcony they stood on. Rick saw that the people milling around below them immediately went still and knelt. Taking his cue, Rick began to kneel too, but Negan grabbed his hand and hoisted him up, chuckling slightly to himself, and slung an arm around Rick’s waist. 

“Righty-ho! First item on our list. Some of the breads have begun to go mouldy, so-“ The rest of it drowned out after that. Rick would rather listen to Michonne and Tara talk about ‘woman stuff’ than how to prevent bread going mouldy properly. With a jolt, he remembered Tara’s trusting eyes as she stared into his, remembered the sound her body made as it thumped to the floor. How could he stand here? How could he stand here, Negan’s arm around his waist, with his colt in his boot- He had his colt in his boot. He was suddenly very aware of the weight of the gun pushing into his foot. He could do it. He could end it all, right now. Get revenge for his group, get Judith and run, then find Carl as a freedman, and live, free, with his two children. Without Negan to control his every move. Within a matter of seconds, he could bend down out of Negan’s grip, grab the gun, and shoot Negan. He could do it. 

But he didn’t. For the rest of the speech he stood there, contemplating whether or not to shoot Negan, until Negan’s grip on his waist tightened and he was pulled in close to him. “I’ve got something to show you,” Negan whispered, and then took a moment to look at Rick, then smiled. The way Negan smiled used to scare Rick. He wasn’t afraid of admitting that he used to be scared of Negan. When he’d first killed Abraham and Glenn, he’d had nightmares about Negan. Nightmares that he could never wake from, and usually Daryl would have to- Daryl. He’d been taken prisoner by Negan. Rick’s mouth went dry and nausea made his head spin. How could he stand here?! How could he- 

“Here were are! Got a little present for you, Rick. See, he gave me a present. Wasn’t his present to give, however. But at the same time, didn’t turn out too badly in the end.” Negan grinned again, then pushed the door open. He then leant into Rick, and Rick thought he was about to kiss him, but at the last minute he tilted his head to the side and whispered in his ear, “enjoy.” 

Rick, ignoring the shivers that went down his spine, peered around Negan. There, he saw Eugene, quivering on a chair, with his hands bound behind him. When seeing Rick, his eyes widened, and his pleading was muffled by the crude gag in his mouth. Negan watched, satisfied, as Rick immediately went in. The way he walked showed that he was a man on a mission. The mission was probably to beat that coward’s sorry ass into tomorrow, which was just what Negan had planned. He knew Rick probably had a lot of shit to deal with, and not a lot of opportunities to take his anger out. The less angry Rick was, the less likely he was to try anything against Negan, so Negan was more than happy to let Rick have his way with the coward after finding out that the coward had helped one of his wives commit suicide. Not long ago, Negan would have loved Rick to be the one bound to a chair, gagged and quivering under Negan’s stare, but now? Negan wanted to love Rick, to cherish him. To spoil him rotten, which was exactly what he was doing. For a moment he fantasised about him and Rick, powerful and feared, standing strong together. He knew Rick had the same darkness he did, he had seen it on the tapes in Alexandria. He would be King, all-powerful, and Rick his ruthless Queen… That wasn’t fair on Rick. Fine, his ruthless King. They couldn’t both be Kings. It just didn’t have the same ring to it. Shrugging, Negan turned away.

The door closed.

Eugene’s whimpering became louder, and Rick watched, dispassionate, as Eugene’s begging was made irrelevant by the gag. Slowly, realisation came to him. He hadn’t even thought of how Negan had managed to have Judith. Hadn’t had the time. He should have known better than to trust that Eugene would prize his daughter’s life above his own. A child’s life, above a liar’s and a coward’s. In that moment, Rick saw the opportunity, the first opportunity, to be the tormentor instead of the tormented. For once, to be in control. To release the fear and anger that had been boiling inside him ever since the world went to shit. A wildness, that of a caged lion lashing out, something he hadn’t felt since he’d gone half-mad and torn out the throat of the man trying to rape Carl. The first punch fell. Then the second, the third, the fourth, and after that he lost count. With each punch Eugene’s muffled screams rang out, until after a while they ceased, and the cell was quiet other than the sound of Rick’s grunts as flesh hit flesh. 

“Hoooly shit.” Negan came up behind Rick, and inspected Eugene as though impressed. Rick stumbled back, and stared at the bloody mess that was Eugene, then looked down at the blood on himself too. Negan’s hand slid to cup Rick’s chin, and he turned Rick’s head towards his. Within a second, Rick was on Negan, and their mouths clashed together as Rick shoved his hand into Negan’s hair and tugged it savagely. Negan responded just as eagerly, after weeks of waiting, and jerked Rick’s hips into his, gasping at the friction created between them. Teeth collided together and Rick desperately rocked his hips forward until he realised Negan had been pushing him away. Rick tore himself away from Negan, and drank in the sight of Negan’s usually groomed hair dishevelled, and blood dripping from his mouth. Rick looked much the same, but worse, and his thin collared shirt clung to his torso, stained red. 

“Bedroom.” Negan grabbed Rick’s wrist and pulled him out of the cell, but with the kiss broken the spell was wearing off as Rick’s head cleared. Barely making it two steps, Negan kissed him again, pushing him against the wall of the corridor. But it felt so wrong. Rick felt a darkness seep through his limbs, could practically feel the Devil’s fingers wrapped around his waist, trying to finally pull him into Hell. But he was on fire, and the flames of Negan’s every touch licked around him, the ashes scorching his skin and infesting him. Rick loved every bit of it. 

“Um… Negan? There was an intruder on the Southern boarder. They… um… escaped, but they’re probably nearby.” For a moment Rick thought Negan was going to kill the messenger who stood nervously before them, and for a moment he was fairly sure Negan thought so too, as he forced himself away from Rick to glare at the man. 

“Alright. I’m coming.” Negan finally muttered, and the man let out a sigh. Negan paused, and then his eyes flickered to Rick’s. “That was hot.” Negan winked, and then turned and strutted away, the messenger scampering after him.

Immediately one of Negan’s wives came up behind Rick, and motioned for him to follow her, presumably back to Negan’s room. When Rick saw that it was Sherry, he smiled shyly, and suddenly became embarrassed of his current appearance, and with a jolt realised just how many people had probably seen him and Negan. 

Once they arrived in the room, Sherry began folding dirty clothes left in the room, and Rick sighed, stretching, with all the tension leaving his body as he settled onto the bed. The room was startlingly beginning to feel a lot like home. Looking over to Sherry, she continued to busy herself with tidying the room, which Rick decided meant that he was allowed to have a brief respite and a moment to think to himself in the shower. Undressing, he was sickened by the feel of the dried blood peeling off of him as he stripped off his clothes. The warm droplets of the shower were very welcome, and soon the room was steamed up as Rick revelled in the way the red slipped off his skin into the water pooling at his feet. How could he judge Negan for being a monster when he was one himself?

“Rick?” 

The shower door opened and Rick didn’t scream as he attempted to cover his manhood. Sherry stared at him, unabashed, and Rick didn’t miss the way her eyes flickered down. “Rick, if we’re gonna go, we need to go now.” When Rick didn’t immediately reply, still shocked, she huffed and quickly threw a glance over her shoulder, and then threw Rick a towel and his clothes. “They thought Carl was at the Southern border, but he’s at the Northern. We have ten minutes until they realise nobody is at the Southern border and begin to check the rest of the borders.” 

“Wait, what? Sherry, wait just a moment-“ Rick began to automatically put his trousers on, and slid his shirt on. “Rick, there’s no time! Hurry the fuck up!” Fumbling, Rick tied his shoelaces, and Sherry’s eyes were darting everywhere, her foot tapping rapidly.

“Sherry, please, wait-“ Sherry grabbed his wrist, dragging him out of the room, and crouched low. 

“Wait here.” Rick stood helpless as Sherry opened the door to a room, and came out moments later with Judith in her arms, and then handed her to Rick.

Rick, powerless, could do little more than to follow Sherry, as she led him through corridors and doors until finally they arrived at the barbed wire fence. Carl was crouched on the other side, and upon hearing their footsteps looked up and gave a reassuring grin to his dad, then ducked his head as he continued to cut the links in the fence. 

“We’re going to head to that big supermarket six miles away, spend the night there, and then keep moving tomorrow, at first light. We want to get as far away from this shit hole as possible, as fast as we can.” As Sherry spoke she seemed assured, confident. But something inside of Rick was screaming that this was all wrong. 

“Give me Judith, dad.” Carl said, holding out his arms. So Rick crouched down and passed Judith through the hole in the fence, and watched as Sherry followed Judith after. “Come on, dad!” Carl beckoned, holding back the fence as if making the hole bigger was going to make Rick want to go through it faster. But he didn’t. Rick stayed where he was, his mind hazy and confused as every fibre in his being fought one another; half screaming for him to go through the hole, escape, be safe, whilst the other half screamed at him to stay. Why? Rick had no idea. 

“Dad?” Carl looked worriedly at his dad, and Rick saw the slow trickle of realisation seeping into his son’s features.  
“I’m staying, Carl.”   
“What?”  
“I’m staying.” Rick had expected to see anger, frustration, maybe even hurt. But the disappointment in Carl’s eyes exposed Rick for the man he was. Small, ten times the coward of Eugene, and as Carl’s brown eyes stared into Rick’s blue ones, a shiver tore down Rick’s spine as he realised that Carl had suspected that Rick would stay. Stripped naked, unmasked to reveal the broken man he was, he saw in front of his eyes his son become a man as Carl realised then that he’d lost his father for good. 

Drawing himself up, Carl took one final look at his father, his expression unreadable, then turned, and walked away. Rick vaguely heard Sherry protesting at leaving him, the fading wail of Judith at being taken from her father, but when Rick came to, he was alone. He hoped Carl would be a better man than he was. 

Rick walked back to his room in a daze. Why had he stayed? Freedom had been right there, had thrust itself upon him, yet Rick had stayed. After half an hour of walking the corridors, Rick realised that it would be a problem getting back to his room since he didn’t know which way to go. He then recognised that he was by the cells Eugene was being held in. Rick groaned, looking to each end of the corridor to see if he recognised the way back to Negan’s room. To his room. He didn’t know why, but he wanted to see Negan. Wanted Negan to hold him in his arms, tell him it would be alright, that he’d take care of it all. Rick so desperately wanted Negan to take control, to take away the burden of leadership and decision-making that Rick had become accustomed to hate. 

“Rick?” The voice was little less than a whisper, and Rick winced at the rasp of it. Turning to the cell’s door, he was beginning to wonder if he’d imagined it when he heard the rattle of chains inside. Daryl. Rick slammed his body against the door, and then again, and again, until finally it gave way. Rick burst inside, and looked at the body on the floor. It was worse than any walker he’d ever seen. 

Daryl sat, huddled against the wall, his clothes ripped and torn, and a handcuff which had rubbed a deep cut halfway into his wrist. At first it had been difficult for Rick to see Daryl, as every single inch of Daryl’s skin was covered in purple and yellow bruises, the rest of it with dried blood. His knee was… holy shit his knee was inverted. It was a boomerang shape, as if it had been stamped on, and the kneecap completely shattered. Relentless, the horror continued, as Rick’s eyes were dragged to the other leg’s ankle, which was bent into a sickening angle, definitely broken, and Daryl’s face was so swollen that he was hardly recognisable other than his hair, which was matted with blood and was littered with bald patches. Three deep red lines, so deep that flesh and the bone of Daryl’s cheek was exposed, ran across his face that showed the undeniable mark of barbed wire. That wasn’t even the worst part. There was a space missing where Daryl’s left arm should have been. 

He had felt sorry for Negan. He had seen Negan’s humanity. He had admired Negan. He had kissed Negan. He had loved Negan. He had been blind. The devil had shown him it’s beautiful side, it’s darkness cast in the shadows, and had coyly offered it’s hand. Rick had taken it, grabbed it, and he had danced with the devil. A fiery tango, in which every pivot and lift and quickstep which enthralled Rick, at the same time had been a distraction of the devil’s, turning his attention away from hell which remained, hidden, just behind the devil. And after the dance, the devil had kissed Rick, and the darkness which the beauty usually hid was revealed. Rick had seen the devil before in it’s element, and had been burnt before. He had stared into the darkest part of the devil’s soul, and he hadn’t cared. He had looked at the darkness, and looked at the beauty, and had told the devil that he would sneak him into heaven. The devil had laughed and kissed him again, and when Rick turned away the devil turned to hell. His kingdom. He ruled over it, committed atrocities, and then returned to Rick with a clear conscious, and Rick welcomed him with open arms and a smile.

Rick saw now. Knew now. Whatever shred of humanity there was in Negan, whatever his past was, it didn’t matter. A man who had done this to Daryl was no man. Negan was a monster. Rick knew now. Knew why he had to stay. Rick was going to kill Negan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW :)   
> I'm going to be honest, I'm in love with this chapter, and I think it's one of my strongest yet other than the chapter where Rick kills his family haha. I loved writing the farewell between Rick and Carl, and also I hope you all are happy Eugene got what was coming to him. The paragraph about Negan being the devil was hard to write, but it turned out all right I think :) 
> 
> I hope you appreciate the parallels between the kiss between Rick/Daryl and Rick/Negan ;) 
> 
> This story is going to be wrapping up soon, probably the next chapter will be the last, and I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone who's commented and everyone reading this story :) Thank you so much, because my confidence as a writer has really grown throughout this experience, and another huge massive thank you to unifairie's amazing original story of 'ITCH' which inspired this :) 
> 
> Thank you for reading!!!!!! :D


	6. CHAPTER 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ASDFGHJKL I swear I'm NOT a liar. This chapter turned out far longer than I expected, and as I was writing I realised that I was going to have to add another chapter. So yeah, the next chapter is the last one, sorry about that. I didn't want to rush the final scenes. I feel like this chapter is a little rushed itself, and it took me ages to write, but I hope you enjoy it :) 
> 
> The final chapter will be out most likely tomorrow :P 
> 
> I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone who's been reading this story, and another huge thank you to unifairie. I also want to say that writing this story has inspired me to continue writing fanfic, and I've already got an idea for a fanfic which I'm going to write after this one ends, but I think I'll take a break from writing and instead just enjoy other people's fanfics for a few days after this one ends, because I never appreciated before how tiring writing is and how much effort goes into every single chapter :o
> 
> Thank you for reading! :D

Holding Daryl in a way that didn’t hurt him was very difficult, and moving him in a way that didn’t hurt him was impossible. Daryl quietly sobbed and gasped as Rick hobbled with him through Sanctuary, with Daryl’s one arm slung over his shoulder and his legs hanging limply behind him. The shouting of guards echoed throughout the corridors, so loud sometimes that Rick was sure they would turn the corner right into them. Outside, the thunder roared, filling the corridors with a white flash.

They hobbled along for what seemed like hours, lost in the maze of the corridors, and soon the roaring of the thunder and the shouts of the guards merged into one, and lightning crackled as rain beat down on the roofs. Finally they reached Carl’s hole in the fence, and Daryl howled and wailed as Rick desperately tried to feed him through the hole, every touch to Daryl agonising. Lightning snapped again, and the grey skies were illuminated with a streak of white. At last, Daryl was through the fence, and Rick squeezed himself through the hole into the outside.

The Sanctuary’s spotlights searched mercilessly for them, the harsh white circles burning down on bits of grass and bushes as they hunted for their target. Though Rick’s instincts were screaming at him to run, all he and Daryl could do was shuffle across the field towards the safety of the woods. It was excruciating, every second was another second allowing the spotlights to hunt them, narrow down the areas they could be in, and a few times the lights passed inches in front of their feet. The shouting of the men grew louder as the thunder crashed around them, and Rick turned his head to see the spotlight sprinting towards them, as if it had caught their scent. Rick yelled and pulled Daryl into a ditch, which Rick had underestimated the size of as before he could realise it they were sent tumbling down, legs tangling painfully and rocks stabbing them as they fell. Thankfully, Daryl’s scream of pain at the fall was drowned out by the roar of the thunder.

It was silent for a moment, with just the relentless drumming of the rain battering the soil. Then came the moaning, which then became more excited as the walkers in the ditch realised fresh food had fallen in with them. Rick’s heart hammered as he realised that they’d fallen into one of the Sanctuary’s traps for walkers, and the lightning flashed, exposing for a brief second the rotting faces of the walkers and their outstretched decaying hands as they began to move towards Rick and Daryl. It was Rick who yelled this time, but his shout was once again drowned out by the thunder roaring overhead. The walkers’ hands grasped onto his legs and clawed Daryl’s body, and Rick desperately kicked and squirmed just as he saw a walker’s mouth open, preparing to feast on Daryl’s shoulder. Rick yelled again and turned, kicking the walker’s head away from Daryl, and scrambled onto the side of the ditch. But the rain was making the mud slide, and his fingers tore through the mud as he slid back down. Below, walkers were gumming Daryl’s legs, teeth having long before rotted and fallen out. Rick flung himself onto Daryl, using his own body as a shield, and fumbled as he lay on his back, Daryl screaming beneath him as he tried to reach into his boot to grab his colt. The gun shot silently, its sound smothered by the rain, and lightning acted as a floodlight again, revealing for a brief moment walkers falling as Rick shot them, yet the walkers behind them continued to slowly advance.

Rick, taking advantage of the momentary lack of walkers, with all his might grabbed Daryl and shoved him over his shoulders in a fireman carry, and he turned to the side of the ditch again and stuck his fingers into the dirt, clawing his way out of it as the walkers below reached for his legs and feet, ripping at his trousers. The dirt gave way beneath Rick’s right hand and he dropped down a few inches, dangling by one hand, and wildly he knew it was all over. But Daryl screamed again on his shoulders as Rick’s sudden movement tore his wounds further, and given courage by the knowledge that he would never in a million years let Daryl die, his left arm shook as he pulled himself up, his feet scrabbling into the sliding dirt. He swung his right arm over the top of the ditch, and his muscles convulsed as he pulled himself up and over the top, collapsing as soon as he felt the wet grass beneath his body. The walkers wailed in the ditch below at having lost their prey. 

He wanted nothing better than to lie down and gasp for air. At that moment, even Negan and his men finding them didn’t seem too bad. But as lightning flashed again, he was reminded of what had happened last time Negan had had Daryl, and he pushed himself up, his muscles screaming, and hoisted Daryl onto his shoulders again. Stumbling, with every second feeling like an hour, he continued to the safety of the woods. 

Twenty minutes walking, rest. Twenty minutes walking, rest. Ten minutes walking, and a slightly longer rest. The sheet of grey rain made it difficult to see anything further than a few metres, and the leaves on the floor of the forest slipped beneath his feet, and if he saw a log in his way, it took a good five minutes for Rick to gather the mental ability to attempt to step over the log. Ten minutes walking, five minutes rest. Five minutes walking, five minutes rest. Three minutes walking, ten minutes rest. Rick knew he couldn’t go on much further, and his muscles ached with exhaustion. Above him, Daryl mumbled something, but the rain silenced him. When Daryl continued mumbling, Rick fell to his knees, letting Daryl slip off into the mud. 

“I can’t hear you, Daryl!” Rick shouted, and the rain’s drumming seemed to intensify. Daryl mumbled again; “I can’t hear you!”  
“Kill me!”  
“What? Daryl, I can’t hear-“  
“KILL ME!” 

Rick stared at Daryl. Then he really looked at Daryl. Daryl was worse off than he had been in his cell, his wounds made even worse by constantly being put down and picked up, and falling into the ditch. Mud covered every inch of him, meaning that certainly a good portion of his wounds would become infected, if they weren’t already. In Daryl’s eyes, Rick saw only pain.

“Daryl-“  
“KILL ME!” Daryl sobbed, but Rick could only stare. He cast his eyes down, and saw on Daryl’s legs the black mark. The signature from God that your time had come. All over Daryl’s legs were walker bites. Rick shook his head, and Daryl screamed again, hysterical, “KILL ME!” But all Rick could do was shake his head. He stood, and then hoisted Daryl’s body onto his shoulders again, hating the way Daryl’s body was shaking.

Two minutes walking, five minutes rest. Two minutes walking, five minutes rest. One minute walking, ten minutes rest. He couldn’t go on. Rick collapsed onto the ground and closed his eyes, but the rain’s hard bullets relentlessly hit him, and he opened them again. Turning his head to the side, he saw Daryl. Daryl was still, and Rick knew then that he was dead. 

Rick reached down into his boot and grabbed his gun, then collapsed again. He lay on the earth for a minute, then turned his head, resting his arm on the earth, and pointed the gun at Daryl. All he could do was stare. 

He closed his eyes again, and wept, his tears mingling with the rain so that to anybody else watching he wouldn’t look like was crying at all. But there was no one else. He watched Daryl’s face, and watched as Daryl’s eyes opened, and the walker that was once Daryl watched him too. Then the walker snarled, and Rick’s chest heaved as he sobbed, as his bullet tore into Daryl’s head. He slept.

____________________________________

“Dad? Holy shit. Dad?”

Rick blearily opened his eyes, ready to tell Carl to go away and let him go back to sleep. Go and bother Lori for a change. Then it all came flooding back. “Dad! It’s ok. It’s alright. Dad?” Carl’s hands checked Rick’s body frantically for any wounds, and as the world cleared around him Rick saw Carl’s worried face peering into his, and behind him stood Sherry holding Judith, gawking at him just as worriedly. Rick turned his head, and saw his arm was still outstretched towards Daryl, the gun resting innocently in his hand. 

“Dad, we’ll get you safe. You need rest. There’s no major injuries, only a few minor ones, but those need to be checked out and cleaned. We’re only about ten minutes from the supermarket we spent the night in, and there’s still some supplies there.” Rick’s head swam. Ten minutes away. Had he walked for ten more minutes, or rested for ten less, Daryl would be alive. Rick blinked rapidly as he tried to stop the tears from falling, tried to gain a slither of respect from his son. Daryl’s voice rang in his ears, high-pitched and vulnerable in a way Rick had never heard Daryl before. “Kill me!” The tears rained down his cheeks, and soon Rick’s body was shuddering as he wept. He cried, and he cried, and he cried, until he couldn’t breathe anymore. Carl held him the whole time, pulling his father close to him with a miserable expression, trying to take some of the pain Rick felt.

“I didn’t understand before, dad. I didn’t understand how hard leading was, or how hard anything was for you. I know… I know I talked down on you for not fighting back Negan more, and dad, I’m so so sorry. But when I saw that he’d killed the group, I knew then how hard it must have been. He’s a madman, dad. And I’m sorry I ever doubted how much you’d been through with him.”

Rick pulled back, holding his son at arm length. His brown eyes looked so much like Lori’s, especially now. They looked just like Lori’s did when she was apologising after an argument, when she had nothing to apologise for, and really, Rick was in the wrong for not paying enough attention to her or coming home late. He hated the way his guilt had always churned his stomach, hated it now. He opened his mouth, willing the words to come out. He willed himself to tell Carl that it wasn’t Negan who had killed the rest of the group, but him. That he wasn’t even hurt by Negan, but treated nicely, and that he had even fallen in love with Negan. That he hadn’t stayed at the Sanctuary to go on a one-man mission to save Daryl, but because without knowing why, he had wanted to stay with Negan. But the words never came out. How could he ever look his son in the eye ever again if he told him? Now Rick’s eyes fell to Daryl, and frustration and grief coursed through his veins as he was reminded of why Daryl looked like that. 

“I have to go back.”  
“Dad, no-“  
“I have to.” Rick pulled himself up using Carl’s sleeve, looking at Daryl’s body one last time, then turning to his son. He had to kill Negan.  
“Dad, lets think about this, please-“

Rick tore his arm away from Carl’s hand attempting to hold onto it, barely registering the hurt in his son’s eyes. The only path, the only thing he could think about, was killing Negan. How could he run with his family when the rest of his family lay dead. Though shot by him, they were dead because of Negan. How could he hide, only think of himself, when Daryl had gone through tortures hardly imaginable just because of the sin of loving Rick. Not long ago, Rick would have blamed himself. But he knew now. He turned to Carl one last time, and Carl stared back at him with that defiance and determination thad had become a signature of Carl’s. Slowly, he hugged his son, whispering goodbye, and tried hard not to notice his shoulder becoming wet as Carl’s tears fell onto it. Then he turned to Judith. 

He’d killed for her. Done unthinkable things for her. He would do it all again. Leaning in, he placed a kiss on her forehead, but she remained quiet and furrowed her eyebrows, as if sensing something was wrong. Nodding goodbye to Sherry, Rick turned and left.

___________________________________

Throughout his journey back to Sanctuary, Rick thought of so much he thought of little. So many thoughts raced through his head that he remained in his mind the whole journey as he robotically made his way back, one foot in front of the other, yet he never thought a distinguishable thought. He thought of how he would kill Negan, what he’d do when he got to Sanctuary, whether leaving Carl and Judith again was the right thing to do. He thought about Daryl, he thought about Aaron and Tara, thought about Michonne. He thought about how much he wished Shane was here with him to back him up, or even Lori here to tell him what to do. But by the time he reached the gates of Sanctuary, he still had no idea how he was going to kill Negan.

Immediately guards descended onto him, and he was kicked down onto the ground and his hands tied behind his back. He found he didn’t care. The whole world seemed a daze as he was shoved onto his feet again, and the guard’s guns jabbed and poked him, pushing him towards the main building. Pushing him towards Negan. As he walked through Sanctuary, it eerily felt like coming home. He was shoved and pushed and pulled through the corridors until finally he reached the door of his bedroom. Heart hammering against his ribcage, he was pushed inside. 

And there he was. The devil himself, sitting on his throne with stern eyes and a tight mouth, his glare unwavering from Rick’s eyes as Rick was forced to kneel in front of him, his own glare just as dedicated at communicating his hate.

“Thanks guys. I’ll take it from here.”

The pattering of footsteps and scuffing of shoes was the only sound as the guards filtered out of the room, and then there was silence. Brown eyes remained locked onto the blue, each assessing each other, daring the other to make the first move. Then Negan huffed, and pushed himself up off the sofa. Slowly he prowled towards Rick, and then crouched down so he was eye level with Rick kneeling on the floor. They remained in silence for a moment longer, and then it began.

“I’m not going to hide what I did to Daryl. I'm not going to pretend I have a good reason for it, and I’m not going to think of some bullshit excuse. I did what I did. But for you to sit there and glare at me with those baby blues… Rick, that’s just not going to fly.” 

“You know I was actually beginning to fall in love with you. And I’m sickened at myself for it. I knew that you did terrible things, had witnessed it firsthand, but I ignored it, I - “ Negan laughed bitterly at that.  
“You’re really gonna sit there and judge me, officer friendly? You’re really gonna, huh? Because may I remind you, that you’ve done things just as bad as I’ve done. And it was all you, baby.”

“I’ve done bad things, yeah-“

“Oh fucking save it Rick! Don’t you be making excuses, now. Every single shitty thing you’ve done has been all you. Because every single thing that’s ever happened to you because of me, no matter how much you want to blame me, I gave you a choice! A choice, like the one you made to bite that rapist’s neck when he was threatening Carl. A choice, like the one you made when you were the one to decide to stay with me to save your family. Like the one you made to beat up Eugene, and all you can blame me for in that part is just simply showing you the guy. Like the one YOU made to kill your whole fucking family just to save Judith. Was that not selfish, Rick? Was that not a bad thing to do? Sure, you could argue that you were saving a baby. But they were all babies once, weren’t they? Wasn’t the cute little southern one pregnant with the Chinese prick’s baby? They were all little toddlers one time just like Judith, each of them had lives before all this shit. Every single one of them would have taken tests in school, they would have cried, laughed, smiled, been angry and all that shit, sucked on their mum’s tit, wasted their lives working for a shit boss who knew less about the job than they did. They all were good people, Rick. And had it been one of them who had to make the decision you did? You can bet your ass they wouldn’t have been nearly as selfish as you were. It would have been the most difficult shit they’d ever done, but they would have let their baby die if it meant saving seven other people because that was the right thing to do. And that was all you, Rick! It was you who made that shitty decision, you who was ultimately the bad guy. Because all I did was place the gun in your hand and tell you to make a choice. And once you’ve committed your crimes, you turn around and point the finger at me! And Rick, it was you who made that decision to forget about Daryl, oh yeah, that’s right. You forgot about him, and you fell in love with me. Not once did you ask me about him, not once did you go down to the cells. So how dare you kneel in front of me, glaring at me with that hate in your eyes, when it was you. All of this shit has been a result of your decisions. I’m a bad guy, a villain, and I own the fuck up to it. And though you probably came back to kill me, that’s only what you tell yourself. You came back the same reason you always do. Because no matter how bad you wanna deny it, or how bad you want to pretend you have some moral high ground, you always come back because I’m the only person in this whole god damn world who understands you.” 

He was right. Everything he had said had been right. Negan’s heavy breathing filled the silence of the room as Rick’s eyes stayed fixed on Negan’s as he came to terms with the truth. But wasn’t he a good man? When Sofia had gone missing, hadn’t he, without missing a beat, chased after her? Hadn’t that been a true reflection of his character? Why was he thinking of Sofia? What fucking relevance did Sofia have? He then remembered with a pang when he had banished Carol, and she hadn’t been seen since, probably dead. He hadn’t been a good man then. A good man would have tried to reason with Carol. A good man wouldn't have cast someone out into this world alone. Why the fuck was he thinking of Carol and Sofia?

Negan’s eyes remained fixed on Rick as he watched the cogs in Rick’s brain thinking it over. He knew Rick would realise, and understand. Then those startling blue eyes met his, and he knew he’d won. 

“It was me who made those choices, but it was you who forced me to make them.”

Oh for fuck sake. Negan whirled, snorting like a bull, and slammed open the door to the corridor. Rick closed his eyes and winced as he heard shouting, and moments later Rick heard whimpering. Turning his head, he saw Eugene being dragged in by the scruff of his collar, and Negan shoved him into Rick’s face.  
“You see this, Rick?! You see this piece of shit?! You see what you did to him!?” 

Rick saw. He was horrified. He’d hurt Eugene more than he’d realised. The blood was cleaned from Eugene now, but the purple bruises remained and sewn up cuts and bandages littered Eugene’s face and body. 

“All I did was open the fucking door. Sure, you can say to yourself that I ‘made’ you beat him up. And maybe when I did open that door, I did know that you were going to hurt him. But it was you, Rick, it was you who hurt him this badly. You could have punched him once, demanded answers on why he betrayed you. But you didn’t, did you Rick? You punched him once, then twice, then three times, and then you punched him over and over again. Did I make you do that, Rick? HELL TO THE FUCKING NO, it was you! You were the one who landed every single one of those punches. And may I just bring this up, Rick, but how the fuck is this any different from what I did to Daryl. I lost my temper, and I hurt Daryl. You lost your temper, and you hurt Eugene. So don’t you fucking dare come back here as if you’re going to kill the villain and slay the monster, then ride home the hero. Because you’re a monster too, Rick. You’re just as every bit as bad as me.” 

He was right again. Rick tried to think of a counter argument, tried to think of a reason that Negan was wrong, but could’t. There was no denying it. 

“Ok.” Silence fell again, as Rick struggled what to say. “You’re right.” 

Negan sighed in relief. The battle was won. He stood up, feeling a headache coming on, and went over to the liquor cabinet and shuffled around there a moment as Rick watched. Negan came back a moment later with two glasses of whisky and huffed, immediately tipping his head back and downing his glass in one. He stared at the other glass for a moment, and Rick felt sure that Negan was going to just down that glass too, but then he held it to Rick’s lips. Not knowing what else to do, Rick drank, feeling the dry drink fall down his throat, and spluttered. When Negan offered more, he shook his head. Shrugging, Negan stood, then crouched again and silently offered some to Eugene. Eugene struggled slightly, moving his mouth away from the drink, but Negan eventually poured the whisky down his throat and watched, satisfied, then huffed a weak laugh and stood, placing the glass onto the cabinet. 

“What’s going to happen now?” Rick whispered, and Negan jumped in surprise, then turned to Rick as if he’d completely forgotten Rick was there. 

“Well, that depends. Do you want to stay with me?” Rick swallowed, knowing he couldn’t ever face Carl or Judith ever again. Slowly, he nodded.

“Good. And also-“ He was suddenly cut off by Eugene erupting into a coughing fit. Rick turned to look at Eugene, and saw Eugene’s face slowly turning purple as the coughs continued to increase in violence. Rick, vaguely alarmed, switched his gaze to Negan, only to find Negan’s eyes were full of tears.

“I’m so sorry, Rick. It had to be done. I had to.” Tears freely flowed down Negan’s cheeks, and he crawled over to Rick, taking Rick into his arms.

“Negan? What-“  
“I had to, Rick! I had to.” Eugene began spluttering, clawing at his neck as he struggled to breathe. Then Rick felt his chest tighten, and all at once he felt as though breathing were ten times more difficult. He gasped, trying to suck air into his stomach. Negan sobbed, cradling Rick and stroking his hair as he watched.

“I had to, I had to be the one to put you down. I couldn’t be so weak again. Not like last time. I had to, Rick.” Rick gasped for air again as beside them Eugene began shuddering, and Rick tried to speak, to beg Negan to help or to explain.

But Negan just watched with a sad smile as Rick gasped and croaked, each breath coming harder than the last. As Rick spluttered Negan bent down and kissed him softly on the forehead. “Shhhh. It will be over soon. I just couldn’t let it happen Rick. I couldn’t bare to watch you everyday feel your humanity slip away, and everyday become a true monster, like me. Because it was going to happen. That’s what this world shapes you into. It’s how you survive. I wanted it once, for you and me to be together that way. Me to be the evil king and you my ruthless queen, I think it was. I wanted it. Not anymore. I stand by what I just said. You’re every bit as bad as me, but I don’t want to watch you go down that path. I can’t. I can’t bare to see you become like me. I can’t. I can’t stand by again and not do anything, not like last time. But Rick, you get to see Lori now. I wish I could see Lucille. I wonder what she’d think of me if she saw me as I am now…” Rick realised then that Negan was truly mad. 

Rick could do nothing but gasp for air as Negan cradled him in his arms, rocking him slightly and humming. Rick wanted to scream in frustration, but it felt as if a massive weight was pushing down on his chest, squeezing the life out of him. So, he suffocated, and Negan hummed, until Rick could no longer take breaths, and slowly he went still. Negan wept, clinging Rick’s body to his and began rocking back and forth, sobbing over Rick’s body. He did that for a while, until finally he let Rick’s body crumple to the floor. Shakily, Negan managed to stand. He let his gaze wander over Rick one last time, drinking in the image, remembering every little detail, then with a sigh, turned and left.

Silence smothered the room, with only the sound of the grandfather clock ticking in the corner of the room puncturing the silence. Then, a scuffling of clothes. Then, footsteps. Then, Rick saw Eugene peer over him. He felt that breathing was easier, however slightly, but as he tried to speak he found his lips couldn’t move, and when he tried to stand he found he couldn’t even move his fingers. 

“You seem to be in the paralysis stage, Rick. The stage lasts approximately 10 minutes, of which you have taken up 3 minutes, and if it weren’t for my daily consumption of all the poisons I create and help create in order to build a resistance to them, I would be currently experiencing that stage too.” Eugene paused for a moment, his knees bending as if he was going to kneel next to Rick, then he seemed to think the better of it.

“I heard what he was saying to you, Rick. But before I say my part, I want to say how truly, sincerely sorry I am. I am a coward, through and through, just like Negan says he is a monster. He does not deny his nature, and neither do I. I hope in the next 6 minutes, allowing 1 minute for anomalies, that I can attempt to atone for the crimes I have committed against you and your family.”

All Rick could do, as usual, was stare. Eugene huffed, and then scratched his chin. 

“After the paralysis stage there is a brief period of unconsciousness, lasting approximately 3-4 minutes, and afterwards is… well.. death. Though I seem to be skipping the stage of paralysis, and perhaps unconsciousness, death is certain. That is the purpose of the poison. But due to the nature of chaos and situations I may find myself in, I came prepared.” He swung his jacket open, revealing vials stored in pockets all over the inside of the jacket. Reaching in, he took out a blue vial near the hem of the coat, and held it in his hands. “However, I did not come prepared for the situation in which I would have to share the antidote, leading me to only create enough for myself.” Eugene then turned to stare at the antidote for a moment, twisting it in his fingers, then he took the cap off and knelt beside Rick, parting Rick’s lips and then pouring the liquid down his throat. Once the vial was empty, Eugene stood up, letting the empty vial drop to the floor. 

“You are not a bad person Rick. You’re not a monster. From the parts of the discussion I’ve heard, Negan is particularly adept in mind games and manipulation. I proclaim that you must not let yourself succumb. For Rick, I watched you day by day put everyone ahead of yourself. I watched you love your family with a true love that is very hard to come by. You may have made some mistakes and some hard decisions, but you are a good person. You love your family, everything you do is for them. You sacrificed yourself daily to lead the group, never once making a selfish choice. Everything I’ve done has been a selfish choice, but if there’s one occasion to display the selflessness you display daily, this is it.” Drawing himself up, Eugene coughed for a few moments, then raised his chin and gave Rick a determined look. “The only thing I need from you in return is for you to give that son of a bitch what he deserves.” 

Slowly, Rick began to feel his breathing become easier, and minute by minute his body switched on again. Wiggling his fingers, Rick pushed himself up and looked to his left. As Eugene lay, twitching on the ground and frothing at the mouth, Rick felt a rush of admiration as he watched Eugene die. Eugene, in his strange and surreal way, had saved Rick. Saved Rick from the poison, and from his own guilt. He watched as Eugene continued to shudder, and then finally, stopped. 

Standing up, Eugene’s final wish rang in his ears. Give that son of a bitch what he deserves. 

_____________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D That was a fun chapter to write. It was a really long one, I know, but so much happened in it that I really love. The final chapter will be out tomorrow! :D Sorry again for lying to all of you, I really thought that this chapter would be the last but it turned out way longer (5117 words!!!!!) than expected :( 
> 
> Thank you for reading!!


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